


You’ve Changed So Little

by Of_Nyon



Series: tf oneshots [5]
Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: A whole lot of regret, Angst, Awkward comforting, Established Relationship, Grief, Hurt/Comfort, I’m sad, M/M, Nyon - Freeform, Pain, Regret, by gays for gays, death mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-06 16:00:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17348213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Of_Nyon/pseuds/Of_Nyon
Summary: Rodimus and Ultra Magnus visit Nyon together. Before Magnus can make any comments himself, Rodimus breaks downAlternatively: I needed to write Rodimus crying and being comforted for once.





	You’ve Changed So Little

**Author's Note:**

> hi i impulsively wrote this at 2am, and i cried through a good portion of it
> 
> i really love rodimus!!! i think he should cry more!!! i think magnus should be more (awkwardly) comforting!!!!! i gotta do everything in this house!!!
> 
> un-beta’d and not a native english speaker, pls ignore any grammar/ spelling mistakes u find!!

Rodimus let out a shaky vent as soon as he stopped walking. Ultra Magnus caught up with him as he let himself take in the view.

Or rather, what was _left_ of it.

They were just outside of Nyon. They stood above a mountain of rubble, and they looked down at the once sizeable city. It had been turned to nothing but wasteland. Magnus had not visited Nyon frequently, but he understood the pain that this sight must have brought to  Rodimus. His home, as poor as it had been, was gone. All that was left was debris and his own recollection.

Rodimus recognized buildings left and right, recognized the once empty establishments he took refuge in before the war. He remembered what his old life had been like just before he met Orion Pax, though not in great detail. _Four million years of war does that to a mech,_ he reminded himself. He couldn’t help but remember the Decepticons and their threats. He remembered the time he spent _hiding_ and _praying_ for his life. He couldn’t help but remember planting the…

The…

Rodimus’s servos trembled, and his spoiler lowered. The silence was deafening.

“This was my _home,”_ Rodimus muttered, hugging himself as he glanced over the city one more time. His gaze was distant and… _lost. Regretful._ “I never lived like the Senate, I couldn’t afford nice things like they could, but this was still my _home.”_

Magnus felt awkward. He wasn’t even _decent_ at comforting others, and he cursed his religious commitment to the Tyrest Accord for disallowing him from learning _basic_ social interactions. Nevertheless, he remained quiet and opted to listen to Rodimus instead. Perhaps that could help him come up with a more _emotionally-intune_ response that resembled comfort.

“You see that building over there?” Rodimus asked as he pointed a shaky digit towards a building that could barely hold itself up. There was nothing else that made it stand out from the rest of the rubble. Magnus quickly labeled it as a safety hazard; the exposed beams and collapsing roof were only the _beginning,_ he assumed.

“That’s where I spent more of my time. I just… _hung out_ there. I didn’t have friends like I do now, I wasn’t _cool_ or _popular_ or… or an _adrenaline junky_ like I am now, heh _._ I just wanted to live, and that’s where I _lived._ For a while.”

Magnus furrowed his eye ridges. He forced himself to not correct his captain’s use of incomplete sentences, as even _he_ could understand that it would be inappropriate to do so, and instead said, “If I may ask, how do you recognize that building from all the rest of the debris?”

That got an empty chuckle out of Rodimus. “When you’ve spent so much time in the streets like I have, you learn where every important place is at. You _memorize_ them for your own survival. Plus…”

Rodimus finally looked away from his fallen city. He stared down at his pedes and hugged  himself tighter. His servos still trembled, his spoiler twitched with grief, and static crept into his voice. “You can’t really forget home when it was all you had.”

Magnus took a deep vent. He really wasn’t suited for… _this._ Maybe he ought to read and learn about _proper_ emotional responses so he can comfort others better, should the time for it ever come, like it has now.

Rodimus huffed humorlessly. He cleared his vent before he said, “The war really did a number on us, huh?”

Since getting there, Rodimus finally looked up to face Magnus, who instinctively turned to look Rodimus. He could barely contain himself; tears threatened to fall from his face, which had contorted in ways Magnus could only vaguely recall being described as ‘ready to bawl his optics out.’

Magnus awkwardly reached his own servo towards Rodimus, unsure if he wanted to pat his helm or pull him in for a hug. He was relieved when Rodimus decided for him; he leaned in and embraced Magnus, burying his face into Magnus’s lower chassis.

Magnus could feel Rodimus’s entire frame shaking against him. Even after all these years, after all they had gone through, Rodimus still felt _so much._ There were too many things in his EM field to label, but Magnus knew what _grief, regret_ and _agony_ felt like. He wondered how Rodimus could even hide everything he felt when he was _this_ emotional.

“I killed _everyone,”_ Rodimus managed to whimper out, somehow shrinking into their embrace as if the truth physically pained him to say. “It has been a last resort and I-I didn’t want to. _I didn’t want to do it.”_

Rodimus inhaled sharply before coughing and clearing his vent. “What was I supposed to do? What could I have done better? What was the right choice?”

It hurt to see Rodimus like this. Magnus had only seen him get like this when Drift left, when their Rewind and Pipes and Trailcutter and Skids _died,_ when the survey had been conducted. The pure guilt Rodimus felt was suffocating, and Magnus could only imagine what it was like for him to drown in it every day.

Magnus shifted away from Rodimus in order to kneel down and comfortably hug Rodimus back. “I wasn’t there to experience it,” Magnus said, ignoring the wetness coming from the place on his shoulder that Rodimus rested his face on. “I can only infer possibilities of the things you’ve told me.”

Magnus gently pulled away so he could get a good look at Rodimus’s face, who was a complete _mess,_ lightly speaking. The tears refused to stop falling, and he hiccuped with every attempt to stop crying. Magnus smiled as soothingly as he could, though he felt it came out awkward. Still, it helped Rodimus relax a little.

“I can tell you one thing for sure: you did everything in your power. If it had been a final resort, you had done everything you _could_ have done.”

Magnus studied Rodimus’s expression, wondering if he believed his words. He continued: “When I fought with Optimus, I came to understand that not all decisions are easy to make, and not all decisions can be clearly labeled as good or evil. Four million years later, all I can judge you for your decision is _intent_ and _purpose.”_

Rodimus wiped at his optics and nodded. “I couldn’t let Zeta _harvest_ us like some energy source.” His voice still had a hint of static, but he was calming down. Magnus mentally jotted down a success. “We’re _alive_ and we’re not _disposable._ I couldn’t just sit and watch, not like the rest of the Senate. I had to do _something._

“I tried to evacuate everyone, but Zeta was too fast. He was killing us faster than we could save ourselves. I teamed up with Op- _Orion,_ but that still wasn’t enough.”

The static returned, and Rodimus was starting to feel more pathetic than how he already felt. “Slinger said it was… _better_ if everyone died at our hands rather than Zeta’s _battery.”_

The edges of Rodimus’s mouth twitched in a vacant smile and he sobbed, “…I just wish I could have done _more_ and not killed _anyone.”_

Magnus sighed. Now _that_ was a universal feeling. “Rodimus,” he said softly, leaning in until their helms touched and their noses brushed together.

“Optimus is not a perfect leader. Primes before him were not perfect leaders. No one should expect you to be a perfect leader because you’re _not_ perfect.” Magnus closed his eyes and pecked Rodimus’s wet cheek. He was struggling to come up with inspiring words, wondering how Drift could write Rodimus’s speeches and make them… _inspiring._

“You made a choice years ago. However you see it, you hindered Zeta Prime’s plan.” Rodimus didn’t seem convinced, or even moved. Magnus _hated_ corny writing, but maybe saying something cheesy this one time could help. “You did what you thought was best at the time. Your spark was in the right place. There’s nothing that can be done anymore, except to move forward.”

Rodimus relaxed his helm against Magnus’s and closed his optics, sobbing as quietly as he could this close to Magnus’s face.

They remained like that until Rodimus could finally will himself to stop crying. He gave Magnus a light kiss on the lips before pulling back. Magnus stood up and looked over the city again. Rodimus couldn’t.

A shy and still trembling servo wiggled its way into Magnus’s open digits. He had finally become accustomed to holding Rodimus’s tiny servos, so this was no longer a surprise.

“I’m ready to go,” Rodimus said. His voice sounded hoarse and he looked exhausted. “I don’t want to cry again.” Magnus nodded understandingly  and turned to walk, Rodimus’s hand still inside his own.

“Um.” Rodimus pulled Magnus’s arm towards him, beckoning him to lean down. Magnus looked at him with a questioning look.

“I just wanted to say… _thank you_ for… for coming with me. And for letting me cry all over your shoulder.”

A small and sheepish smile formed on Rodimus’s face, and Magnus was beginning to think he wasn’t so bad at _this_ after all. “Nyon means a lot to me so… thanks for not pitying me, or demanding I stop crying or something. I dunno. Thanks for being here.”

 _Always and forever, Rodimus,_ Magnus thought. _Always and forever._

“I love you.”

Magnus smiled. Awkwardly. “I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> :’)
> 
> i hope you enjoyed this!!! kudos and comments are all appreciated <3


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